This is a story about a Mom and her Baby... **(EDIT) This is how I wrote the story initially. It was the only way I could share it.. writing about it as it was third person. But I have healed even more since then and I accept that this is how my Story started.. so I will be editing the rest to be in first person. Thank you for reading**
MY Mom was born into a family with Love and also many struggles. Struggles that only the generations before her knew. She was a kind and loving woman.. a bit of a rebel some would say. She enjoyed her life and made the most out of each day.
My Mom met BioDad and they developed a relationship. They were in their 20’s and as all people that age tend to do… they carried with them the traumas of their childhoods..
Things ended between them and my Mom travelled to another province to visit family and get her mind off of the ill-fated relationship.
It was there… 4 and a half months later.. that she realized that things were not at all normal. Her skinny jeans no longer fit and for some reason.. she couldn’t hold down food most mornings.
She was encouraged to see a doctor and take a pregnancy test and the news that doctor shared that day began a chain of events that one could only read about 40 years later.
Let me help you understand dear reader… there was a time.. specifically the 1950’s – early 1980’s that women were SHAMED and VILIFIED for getting pregnant out of wedlock. The men were not looked at as IMPURE and UNWORTHY as the women were. Many were sent away to have their children in secret.. often not having the choice but to put their infants up for adoption. It was the only way not to de-value or bring shame upon your family name. By the early 1980’s that mentality was still prevalent in many Catholic, old value families.
Back to my story. My Mom now faced much anguish. For she would have to tell her family and her PARENTS this news that she was WITH CHILD. The BioDad had moved away soon after their relationship ended and she didn’t know where he was to tell him the News.
With much anguish and contemplation.. she decided to give her child a chance at a better life and she decided to put the Baby up for adoption once it was born.
For the next 4 and a half months.. this Baby grew inside her. Kicking and moving.. every heartbeat felt by the Mom. The Mom’s instincts torn between her Love for this baby and her defensive mechanism that told her that attaching to this Baby was going to break her heart when the Baby was no longer a part of her.
As she went along.. she felt little support. Her parents.. possibly ashamed, possibly angry, or possibly scared for the Mom and Baby.. didn’t express any type of support for her situation. The support came from her most people encouraging the Adoption and expressing that this best option for my Mom and Me. .
It turned out that no one really asked my Mom what SHE wanted. No one ever gave her hope or reassurance that she COULD do this on her own and that she would have SUPPORT if she decided to KEEP this Baby.
So she prepared for the inevitable. She knew that one day soon she would no longer be pregnant and would never see the Baby again once it was removed from her care.
One hot summer day.. her Baby decided it was time to enter the world.
Mom went to the General Hospital and delivered a healthy baby. Although she was grateful for this fact... my Mom still didn’t know the gender because she had asked that I be taken immediately away and kept in the nursery while she recovered and took care of the paperwork for the adoption with the Social Worker.
Now...at this time, hospitals allowed new Mothers and their babies to stay in the hospital for up to 7 days while they recovered and found their groove with their baby… and in those beginning days.. the nurses all knew that this Mom had never seen her baby, held her baby or knew her baby’s gender. They also knew not to say anything identifying the Baby to the Mom or it would violate her wishes.
Well.. as the story goes.. some things happened that gave way to Life-Changing events.
Each day. that this Mom was in the hospital.. she was asked to take sitz baths to help her recover from childbirth.
....Each time she walked to the Bathtub room.. she had to past the nursery window and each time she passed.. she made sure NOT to look in that window for she knew her heart couldn’t take what she might see.
She cried. A lot. She mourned for the baby she delivered but would never get to know.
She thought about the Baby’s first smile and first steps and their first day of school. She thought about that Baby’s marriage and if she would know them then. She hoped they would find a good and kind family for this Baby. She so wanted the best for them.
She was an emotional wreck and everyone saw it. Maybe it was a coincidence.. maybe it was a chain of events that was purposefully set in motion by those that could see this Moms pain.. no one will ever know....
But one day… the Social Worker came to get the paperwork for the Adoption finalized and the Mom was inconsolable. The Social Worker went over the paperwork with the Mom and then realized that she was missing a key document. So she told the Mom she would be back the next day with all of the documents and she would take the Baby at that time.
That same day… a nurse that the Mom had never seen before (maybe she was this Baby's guardian angel... who knows?) came in to the Mom’s room.. took a look around and asked the Mom why her baby was not in the room and if the Mom wanted the nurse to bring HER in.
The words screamed out into the Mom's head... ‘A GIRL. A baby GIRL. My baby girl’
The Mom called her Parents and she poured her heart out to them and told them that she had had a Baby Girl. That she didn’t know what to do and she was so scared.
The Grandparents came to the hospital. The Grandpa… old values, Catholic, stern and no-nonsense type of man took a look at that Baby in the nursery and said to his daughter that she ‘Looked like a (FamilyName)’
And for the first time since the positive test was indicated.. the Grandpa told the Mom that him and the Grandma would help her. Support her.. help her raise this baby and get on her feet.
The nurses were called and the Baby Girl was brought in. Imagine that reunion. The emotions and the energy.
Because for days…that baby Girl didn’t know Love. She wasn’t sure where she stood in this world.
Then one day she was brought in and introduced to her Mom and Grandpa and Grandma. She was told that she was Accepted and Loved. So very much and she felt that Love fill her soul.
The Mom finally felt safe to get to know her Baby Girl. To count her fingers and toes and see her black hair and scrunchy little face.
The Mom spent the rest of her life bonding and creating the most loving relationship with her Baby Girl and that Girl grew up surrounded by Love. Love from her Grandparents, from her Mom.. and at 6 months old she met a man that would be her Dad. Adopting her, giving her his name and loving her always.
That Baby Girl is so fortunate to have the life that she does. Because she knows that it could have gone in MANY other directions.
The universe had a plan for that Mom, that Baby and that family.
This became part of the story of the fabric of her life and with that she FLEW to heights that those Grandparents would be so very proud of. That Mom and Dad are so very proud of.
And best of all… heights that that Baby Girl is so PROUD of.
Because the story of her past does not DEFINE her or anyone in it. I AM THAT BABY GIRL. SHE IS ME. This is my story.
What defines me is the story I am creating for my PRESENT and FUTURE and the Live's I impact as a Intuitive Life Coach. Its a beautiful feeling.
Thank you for reading
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